COUPLE OF THINGS …

Just a couple of things this week …

#1 – What the hell is wrong with my football club ?

Selling Cristiano Ronaldo might have been an amazing business deal but on the football pitch … we’re looking rather “dodgy” as the Brits say. We lack firepower up front and with the impending departure of Nemanja Vidic … our backline’s gonna look “dodgy” as well.

Over the years … all Man United fans have grumbled about how Sir Alex handles these “dodgy times … we’ve gone thru it before. The old guard is well “getting old” and he’s offloaded the oldies before in times past and there’s always been a couple of seasons where we’ve under-performed but our youngsters eventually grow up and we dominate the English and European (and World) leagues.

So … I guess this season’s gonna be one of those “trophy-less” seasons … but in Sir Alex we trust I guess.


#2 – What’s up with Malaysian drivers on weekends

So we headed down to Malacca for the weekend (a bunch of us from Red).

Great trip …great food, great conversation, great shopping at Jonker Street and we even did the whol touristy thing visiting the historic sites. But then … there’s a downside. You quickly realize how slow Malaysians drive.

It doesn’t matter what their license plate says where they’re from (Penang, Perak, the Klang Valley or even Malacca) … Malaysians in general drive INCREDIBLY slow on weekends … and to top it all off … they seem to be oblivious of folks who are trying to get by ‘em and who don’t have all the time in the world … what’s worse is when you do get by ‘em … they give you “the look” i.e. as in “you’re so rude trying to force your way thru and messing up my leisurely drive”.

Ahhh … Malaysian drivers.


#3 – Telco spam SMS

This has been going on for awhile … and I understand that it’s a marketing exercise. I can respect that it’s a tough market out there … any marketing is good marketing.

BUT DON’T SMS ME AT 3 IN THE MORNING … ON A WEEKDAY !!!!


Thank you … just wanted to get these things off my chest. Did I miss anything ?

VAMPIRES GOING SOFT ?!

What happened to your unfriendly neighborhood vampire ?

They’re falling in love with their food … that’s what ! … and Stephenie Meyer is messing around with centuries old vampire lore !

Vampires don’t need to breathe ?! ... C’MON !!!!
Vampires don’t sleep ?!?!?! ... C’MON !!!!

Rule #1 … don’t mess with the lore !
Rule #2 … don’t add to the lore !!!
Why issit that the Twilight vampires seem to have this uncanny ability to “walk in the day” ? What are they ? … Blade ?
Don’t get me wrong … I love horror movies … obsessed with ‘em actually.
And one of my all time favorite genres of horror is the monster genre.

I’m a fan of Nosferatu … I love Interview With The Vampire … I love Bram Stoker’s Dracula.

What was one common denominator in all this ? They seduce … and then they eat you. Plain and simple. They don’t fall in love with humans and then pro-create. What the hell is that about ?

If they had to pit Robert Pattinson’s “Edward Cullen” against Tom Cruise’s “Lestat” in a “loser dies” fight … who do you think would win ?
Let’s not even get to a “day walker” fight … Blade would have demolished the namby-pamby Ed Cullen in less than a second.

So what’s the deal folks ? Why are the chicks lining up to fall in love with these “new aged” vampires ?

What’s next ? Werewolves are cool and they wanna “get it on” with ‘em ? … imagine “getting it on” with your German Shepherd. That’s what it’s like.

To be very honest with you … I’m sick and tired of hearing these Twilight fans claim to “know all there is to know” about vampirism based on the books. I guess they’re the same ones who claim to know everything about being a wizard cos they’ve read all the “Harry Potter” books.

I wonder what’s next ? … a sexy zombie ? Last I saw … Mila Jovovich had her hands full blowing the heads off the undead cos they were slobbering all over her shoes and … OH YEAH … THEY EAT PEOPLE !!!
I can’t wait for someone to write a book about the “suave Cyclops” or the “desirable Frankenstein monster” … last I heard … nobody’s “done the horizontal mambo” with the Hunchback of Notredame nor the Elephant Man.
Don’t get my point ? … ok … let’s localize it a little shall we ? Imagine “falling in love” with the Pontianak or the Orang Minyak. Get what I mean now ?!!
If you think Twilight is crap … please feel free to comment and add to this rant … if you’re a Twilight fan … you’re probably a Liverpool fan as well … you don’t have that much taste in quality.

I DID IT MY WAAAAAAY

The other day … I was having a chit-chat with Dilly about what we did over the weekend and when it came to my turn to say what I had been up to … I proudly said “thank GAWD that the rain stopped long enough for my laundry to dry” cos I had been a little upset that I couldn’t wash my clothes cos of the bad weather … I don’t have a dryer.

Dilly then said to me … “you love doing your laundry don’t you” ? … apparently that’s what I say every week when she asks me what I did over the weekend.

Actually … I do my laundry 2-3 times a week. One day for whites, another for colored and then another for handwashing … some nicer (and more expensive) clothes deserve the special treatment.

This got me thinking. I’ve been living on my own for a heckuva long time now and I’ve been taking care of myself rather well I think. Of course, it wasn’t smooth sailing from the get-go but you eventually get the hang of it.

So here’s what I thought … if you’re about to embark on an independent life i.e. living on your own, you need to have a couple of skills to help you get by. Now I know a lotta folks living alone pay to get these things done for them … my advice is for you to try doing it on your own at least once … just so you know what it’s like.

Ok … so here we go … you need to :-

1. … know how to do your laundry !!!
Whether it’s washing by hand or using a washing machine … you need to separate your colored from your whites … otherwise … hullo pinky tighty-whities. Learn how to iron correctly also !!!

2. … know how to sweep and vacuum and mop and …
You don’t want friends and family members coming over to see you living in a dump and most importantly … YOU DON’T WANNA BE LIVING IN A DUMP !!!

3. … know how to cook a full healthy meal for yourself
NO INSTANT NOODLES !!! A balanced meal consists of a meat/fish dish and vegetables and also cook rice or something. If you’re a pasta fan … make spaghetti. If you’re a curry fan … make curry and eat with naan or something. You’ll never go hungry … trust me !

4. Pay your bills, rent, insurance, car payments, taxes, etc.
Hey … if you’re gonna live on your own … you need to know how to pay your utility bills and other services that you use … whether it’s online, at the post office, at the utility payment office itself, at the banks, etc.

5. Take care of your pets … this is the next step la !
Make sure you clean ‘em, feed ‘em and play with ‘em. Do this step only after you’ve sorta mastered the first 4.

Trust me … if you can do all the above …

… if you’re a guy, chicks will dig you cos they’ll say “you’re sooo independent”

… if you’re a girl, non-independent dudes will dig you cos they’ll think that you’ll handle all the important stuff while they hang out with their friends and watch TV … but the independent dudes will dig you even more cos as they say … great minds think alike !

What’s the moral of the story here ? The guy and girl who can take of themselves need to go out together and guys and girls who can’t take care of themselves need to grow up !

Did I miss anything here ? Please do comment.

WHY HATE MANCHESTER UNITED IF YOU DON’T KNOW ‘EM

Let’s get something straight and out in the open … I am a HUUUUUGE Man United fan.
I’ve been a fan for as long as I can remember.
Been supporting ‘em before they were successful … I’m still supporting ‘em now that they are successful and will continue to do so win-lose-or-draw.

I get it when Liverpool fans say they can’t stand us … hate us even. It’s cool.
I get it when Arsenal fans say that refs give us special treatments on the pitch. It’s understandable.
I can even accept the jeers from Chelsea fans.
Let’s not even get started with how the Man City fans feel about us since Tevez left.
That’s all cool with me.

I’ve got friends who support these teams and the myriad of other teams in the BPL and lower divisions.
It’s all in fun that we taunt each other.
It’s all in fun that we “give each other’s team stick”.
It’s all in fun when we say their teams suck.

So Man United lost to Liverpool. No biggie.
Liverpool fans around Malaysia latched on it like bees to honey.
I always like to say that we may lose a battle but we’ve always won the war.
Who knows what happens at the end of the season … the journey’s the fun bit of being a footie fan.

But what’s the deal with non-footie fans giving me stick about how Man United lost to Liverpool … what’s worse … some of these people don’t even play any sports.

There are rules that govern how much stick you give someone … if it’s about football :-

You CAN give me stick if …
• … you actually support a football team
• … you have actually played football
• … if you play any sport and can explain the offside rule
• … if we lose to the team that you support

You CANNOT give me stick if …
• … you don’t support any football team
• … you don’t really watch football … the “I only watch the World Cup crap don’t cut it”
• … you don’t play/watch any sports … and just watching Sports Center don’t count OK !
• … the only footballers you know by name are Christiano Ronaldo and David Beckham.
• … you can’t explain the offside rule … if you have to ask “what's offside ?” … you can &%$*# off

Everybody clear ? Thank you !