Wednesday, November 18, 2009


What happened to your unfriendly neighborhood vampire ?

They’re falling in love with their food … that’s what ! … and Stephenie Meyer is messing around with centuries old vampire lore !

Vampires don’t need to breathe ?! ... C’MON !!!!
Vampires don’t sleep ?!?!?! ... C’MON !!!!

Rule #1 … don’t mess with the lore !
Rule #2 … don’t add to the lore !!!
Why issit that the Twilight vampires seem to have this uncanny ability to “walk in the day” ? What are they ? … Blade ?
Don’t get me wrong … I love horror movies … obsessed with ‘em actually.
And one of my all time favorite genres of horror is the monster genre.

I’m a fan of Nosferatu … I love Interview With The Vampire … I love Bram Stoker’s Dracula.

What was one common denominator in all this ? They seduce … and then they eat you. Plain and simple. They don’t fall in love with humans and then pro-create. What the hell is that about ?

If they had to pit Robert Pattinson’s “Edward Cullen” against Tom Cruise’s “Lestat” in a “loser dies” fight … who do you think would win ?
Let’s not even get to a “day walker” fight … Blade would have demolished the namby-pamby Ed Cullen in less than a second.

So what’s the deal folks ? Why are the chicks lining up to fall in love with these “new aged” vampires ?

What’s next ? Werewolves are cool and they wanna “get it on” with ‘em ? … imagine “getting it on” with your German Shepherd. That’s what it’s like.

To be very honest with you … I’m sick and tired of hearing these Twilight fans claim to “know all there is to know” about vampirism based on the books. I guess they’re the same ones who claim to know everything about being a wizard cos they’ve read all the “Harry Potter” books.

I wonder what’s next ? … a sexy zombie ? Last I saw … Mila Jovovich had her hands full blowing the heads off the undead cos they were slobbering all over her shoes and … OH YEAH … THEY EAT PEOPLE !!!
I can’t wait for someone to write a book about the “suave Cyclops” or the “desirable Frankenstein monster” … last I heard … nobody’s “done the horizontal mambo” with the Hunchback of Notredame nor the Elephant Man.
Don’t get my point ? … ok … let’s localize it a little shall we ? Imagine “falling in love” with the Pontianak or the Orang Minyak. Get what I mean now ?!!
If you think Twilight is crap … please feel free to comment and add to this rant … if you’re a Twilight fan … you’re probably a Liverpool fan as well … you don’t have that much taste in quality.


  1. Whoa that was a rant alright! I'm with you brudder, twilight? yuck x aly

  2. Dang!....Hahahaha~Lol~...some rant there JD...U have issues with the poor-i'm-too-vunerable-to-love-Edward Cullen eh?ahahahaha's confession..(and embarassing one tooo..)..used to get smitten by the 1st curious,ransacked my sister's room, and finished reading the whole saga thing.And by New Moon... i was alrady getting this euwww...Sexy Looking Monsters fall for a total geek so dumb they cant see anything in her mind?Guess the writer and the fans got so 'hyped' up for one reason and one reason only...its the HORMONES...duh!